Stapled to the door of the Church of Havin’ a Laugh by Martin Goofer…
-The order at all Open mics shall be determined by a lottery, with names announced in small groups as the mic progresses.
-Everyone who shows up on time can be in the lottery
-Anyone who shows up late will either be denied performance or put in a “late bucket”,
-No open mic shall last more than about 90 minutes. No one wants to laugh for longer than that, which is why comedy films do not last for 3 hours.
In order to insure this:
-If 40+ people show up to the mic, everyone shall do at most 2 minutes
-If 35-39 people show up, everyone shall do at most 2.5 minutes
-If 30-34 people show up, everyone shall do at most 3 minutes
-If 25-29 people show up, everyone shall do at most 3.5 minutes
-If 20-24 people show up, everyone shall do at most 4 minutes
-If 15-19 people show up, everyone shall do at most 5 minutes
-If 15 or less people show up, it is still recommended that the sets be kept around 5 minutes, because most people performing at open mics don’t have more than 5 minutes of jokes to work on, anyway
-If there are paying customers or employees at an establishment who did not come to watch the open mic, no comic shall give these people any kind of a hard time or begrudge their not paying attention, even if they are talking during your “set.”